It’s a quiet morning in my home for once. The past few weeks have been nothing short of traumatic. I’ve learned so much about myself and my how I show up in my life in this short span of time. At times, and in the thick of it, I lost all control. I gave in to the critical, depressive, self-limiting thoughts and behaviors. I isolated. I numbed. I tried to run. That only made me feel worse.
When our discomfort gets so unbearable we begin to change.
Allowing ourselves to get to that point is a whole other post. But for today, I will talk about easing the pain during the moments in life when we seem to be stripped away of what we know and believe by becoming more aware and empowered with our thinking.
Through this journey of practicing alignment and strengthening my spirituality and commitment to love, I have learned how to become more aware of my thoughts and how they impact my beliefs which in turn drive my behaviors. Too often I would witness a thought and instantly judge it. Annie, that’s a terrible thing to say to yourself! Stop being such an asshole to yourself. Why are you still thinking that? It’s funny how I was being critical of the critical thoughts I was having. Some recipe for peace and satisfaction, I tell ya.
And then I decided to stop evaluating my thoughts so quickly. I decided to take my power back by being more deliberate in the thoughts I ran with. I chose to witness a thought, almost suspend it in time, and remind myself that our thoughts are not neutral and not 100% ours. They are either empowering, rooted in love, or disempowering, rooted in fear. From this place I can get curious and ask myself questions to guide myself through the moment without judgement. If I can accept that our thoughts come from one of two places and not take such responsibility for them I have more agency in shifting them. I don’t believe all of our thoughts are our own thoughts.. I believe we think things that we’ve been told to think, often times coming from a place of harsh critique. Unconsciously, we repeat patterns eventually blaming ourselves for it all.
If we can witness the thought as something outside of us we give ourselves the power to get curious and choose to either continue with the thought or change it to one that is truer, more connected to love. This is a gift!
Let’s explore. Last night I ate an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Truth be told, I’ve devoured more ice cream this past week than I did all summer. It was my attempt at soothing the discomfort I felt in my body. What usually happens is I wake up the next morning and feel some guilt and shame for my evening’s treats and begin my day from a place of failure. I wake up thinking of how terrible I am and from there on out, it’s a day of finding more evidence to confirm my established, shitty belief. Perhaps you can relate?
Today it went differently. I woke up and when the image of me sitting on my couch watching some bad TV, pint in hand, I told myself a new story. Old story: God damnit, Annie. You ate the ice cream again. Why? You know your jeans are already tight. You know you and lactose don’t jive. You know how terrible sugar is for your health. You know better and yet you still did it.. because you’re weak and a failure and you’re clearly never going to get a firm grip on your emotional eating. YOU ARE FUCKING UP. Why even attempt anything better today?
Painful. Harsh. Untrue. Unnecessary. Disempowering.
New story: Good morning, Annie… it’s a good day to be alive. Oh shit, the ice cream. Takes deep breath. Are you going to engage in a story of thoughts that makes you feel like shit or thoughts that forgive, understand, express compassion, and empower you to make better choices today? Yes. Yes. I want that.
Here it goes: Yes, I did eat the ice cream. I was coping and soothing my anxiety and discomfort with coping strategies familiar to me. Yes, eating ice cream in the grand scheme of things Isn’t bad. Yes, I am allowed to be human and eat my feelings sometimes. Yes, I do love myself despite the ice cream because my motive for the ice cream was rooted in love. So, let’s be honest. You’re returning to some old habits that have brought you comfort in the past but they don’t seem to be doing that now. Let’s just forget the ice cream and let’s choose to focus on today. What can you make yourself for breakfast that will fuel you, nourish you, and love you? It’s not the ice cream you want it’s how the ice cream makes you feel. Let’s be intentional today with practicing some powerful self-love because that is clearly what your soul is calling you to do. This is an opportunity to upgrade how you soothe and cope with the stresses of life. This is going to be fun! A game!! Oh, this is getting exciting now. How can I show up with love for myself today? What new things will I try? How can I grow through this? Huh… so the ice cream was actually a gift. It gave birth to a new approach to self-love. That’s pretty cool. Now, what are 3 things you’re grateful for right now in this moment? My bed. The sunshine coming in through my windows. That cup of coffee that’s calling my name. Good.. now, rise. Go out and continue to love yourself. You’ve got this.
And from there, my day changes course. My energy is aligned with more love. I found the gift in the overeating of ice cream. I have an opportunity to grow and learn and feel deeper love for myself.
This small practice of witnessing the thought before you adopt the thought is powerful. Mindfulness practices really help anchor this so that it becomes automatic and eventually the voice rewires in our brain to one of more love. Realizing that everything we do is leading us to love also helps. It gives us space to explore what each situation is serving up. Today, pause before you take on a thought that doesn’t serve you. Give yourself the gift of kindness, compassion, and love.
